I need to learn Indonesian (no other language is even remotely on the table, I've eliminated all of them because they all have more problems that I cannot overcome; Indonesian has only this one, but it is pretty insurmountable). Problem is, I cannot roll my r's at all, except in the French rathre than Indonesian way. I know it isn't like Italian or Spanish where there's a rolled vs unrolled r distinction, but it is physically sickening to get every word with an r in it wrong; I get physically nauseous and extremely angry ever time I try to speak because I know I'm doing it wrong, but when I try to actually roll my r's (and I've tried every method out there, I feel even worse and either produce nothing or make some horrid sound, in either case followed by an intense desire to die).
Every time I encounter this sound, I want to just give up, however, monolingualism is not an option; I've been doing that for long enough. I am insulted and degraded by any notion of simply accepting it and using the English r or the tap instead, or of using a uvular trill (which I can produce, but that is not the proper Indonesian r, and I'm not great at it).
Is there anything that can be done? Surgery won't help because I don't have a tongue tie; besides being completely useless, my tongue is perfectly normal. I know there's no way I can be cured, but I'm also terrified by the prospect of never speaking my (TL) properly.
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