I studied my heritage language in a country it is spoken and earned a master's degree in the associated discipline (think like English Studies in an Anglo country or Germanistik in Germany) with a focus in linguistics. I then taught the heritage language for 5 years.
I moved to my heritage country and work 100% in the heritage language. I was partially hired because of the degree.
I hate it. I feel under constant pressure to be perfect and yet I make mistakes. I feel stupid because I am, at least on paper, highly competent in the language. I feel like a pathetic joke. I don't take myself seriously, I don't know how my colleagues can. I was partially hired because of my degree for Christ's sake. And I feel like no one will eeeeever actually view me as a part of the people in part because of this (cannot do anything about the childhood elsewhere, which obviously plays a role).
I wish so badly I had studied something else and just learned the language on the side. It would be less crushing that way. I just feel if not daily then weekly like a joke and a fake. I want to crawl into a hole and hide. I don't know how to overcome this pressure and accept this. Yes, I actively work on things but still I make just dumb mistakes no true speaker would make. And I know I make them! I hear them happen! I understand what is correct and why and still my dumb brain and mouth don't cooperate somehow. I just feel so crushed.
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via Learn Online English Speaking
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