I’m a strong believer that people helping people is the greatest power there is on earth. Having said this, I hope this reaches the people who need it. When it comes to language learning and communication, the concept of culture shock is mentioned so often that its meaning has almost been lost in translation. We sometimes forget the depth behind the phrases, words, and expressions that make up communication—this is only the tip of the iceberg. Anyone who has spent enough time learning a new language knows that to truly communicate—without offending or giving the wrong impression and achieve our goals—we must immerse ourselves in the culture. It’s easy to assume that forming a friendship or relationship is simple, but in reality, we must also understand the manner of speaking with someone from a different background. When I was in middle school, I was still new to the language, the culture, and the community. I had picked up a lot of pop culture, and one word I often heard in movies and music was “boy.” It slipped into my vocabulary without much thought—I was just a 13-year-old punk repeating what I was hearing. One afternoon after school, I was playing tag with an African-American classmate. In the middle of our horsing around, I called him “boy.” I didn’t mean anything by it, but his reaction was immediate—he got angry and asked me what I had just called him. He was upset enough to want to report it, maybe he was kidding, maybe he wasn’t. I was shocked, apologized, the kid left, and didn’t think much of it, but I was left wondering what had just happened. Years later, I learned that “boy” can be deeply offensive to African-Americans because it was used during slavery times as a way to talk down to Black men. I know… pretty awful, right? But how was I supposed to know? My intention had been innocent, but the historical weight of that one word completely changed the tone of the interaction. This was an example of how, if I had been aware of the usage of the word within the culture layer, I might have had a new friend, but I guess we will never know now. The next example I want to talk about happened to a colleague of mine. She worked at a language center; she was presenting a drill in class. The drill was as follows: —“You’re going to pick up a piece of paper, and it has an adjective. You will now say what you do when you feel this way, described by this adjective.” The first student got a relatively easy one: “thirsty,” so the guy goes on and says, “I drink water when I feel this way,” and everybody gets it straight away, and the students shout, “thirsty!” The next student was a lady, and she chose a piece of paper that read “exciting.” So the student looks at the teacher, laughs, blushes, and she says: “Oh my God, teacher, I can't do this right now.” The teacher stopped, chuckled, and explained: You see, “exciting” is a false cognate, a word that sounds like something in a language but actually means something else. In this case, the false cognate with Spanish is “excitada,” which means horny or turned on. They had a good laugh. The teacher already knew what was happening, and she was able to anticipate why the student reacted that way. This is another perfect example of how the culture layer of language learning is essential to fully understand and could be used to read into a situation; in this case, the teacher was able to resolve the situation with ease by being aware of the matter. The last great example I would like to bring to your attention would be of a friend of mine, Kevin. He met a girl named Mia from the other side of the world. He was very much from the West, and she had a lot from the East. Their personalities clicked at first—opposites attract, after all—but over time, their communication styles would clash. Kevin came from a culture that was more direct and assertive; some could even call it aggressive. Mia’s background was more conservative, reserved, and calm. Their family circle was relatively similar; both came from broken homes. While he grew up constantly witnessing his family in turmoil, she was suffering from the lack of attention she wasn’t getting during her parents’ divorce. While he was learning to push and not be pushed around in life, she didn’t have anyone to protect her from the bullies at school. Maybe that’s why he was too vicious and she was too frightened, but at this point, they didn’t know this yet. At first, their differences were exciting. He fell in love with her attentiveness, beauty, and creativeness. She fell in love with him for his charisma, cleverness, and joy for life, and that rebel attitude he had. They went and had fun exploring the first two layers—their culture, their food, their idioms, the romanticism in each other’s language. The way they joked around, how they cared for one another, motivated each other, or argued was special—a very unique connection. Life moves quickly and throws challenges at you, so they went and lived in each other’s country for a while. They didn’t have much money, but they were both very clever and loved each other very much. However, time takes its toll on everything, and Mia and Kevin’s love was no different. Issues arose, and they would try to fix it with their broken-down arguments. Sometimes they were able to overcome them, but other times, one or two words in a heated moment triggered a reaction that neither of them expected. These reactions spiraled into confusing and frustrating arguments. Now they were in unknown territory, deep into each other’s layers—the “you,” the core. When Kevin tried to motivate Mia, he was too straightforward, and she needed more time to adapt. How could he have known? That’s the way he learned in the school of hard knocks. When she tried to look after him, he thought she was too clingy. All she tried to do was give what was not given to her, yet he never saw that. They had their hearts in the right place, but they just weren’t aware of how they were seen within the society, family, friends, and the You circle, where most of the difficulty arises—even with people who speak our own language. Mia and Kevin knew they came from different backgrounds—different society, culture, language, traumas, and their own personal baggage—but they never realized how deep they would need to go to truly bridge that gap. Successful communication required managing all of these layers, or at least being aware of them. Kevin’s tendency to push loved ones away when trouble arises was too much for Mia’s delicate heart; she couldn’t handle it. They ended up splitting up and went their own way. Kevin, yearning for new cultures to explore and being the traveler that he was, went on exploring the world. Unfortunately, traveling got the best of him. He started hanging out with the wrong people, landed in a culture that was not friendly towards some illegal habits he had, and ended up serving a 25-year sentence in some prison in Southeast Asia. You would’ve thought Kevin could’ve understood that simple, basic layer of culture, but I guess it was just his unlucky day—and unlucky years after that decision. As for Mia, she went on and got married—she got married a little too fast, didn’t really do the healing process too well, and continued on neglecting what she was hiding years even before she had met Kevin. Mia, with her lack of decision-making, went on and married a wealthy man. She thought that at least this time would be different; this time she at least didn’t have to worry about her financial life. However, Mia’s past would come back and haunt her so often, affecting her marriage. They tried to have a kid, but none of them were even remotely stable. Sadly enough, Mia had two abortions, got divorced, and on her second marriage had a miscarriage. Nothing and no one could heal this; it was something she needed to do way before any of this could’ve happened. Again, we would’ve thought Mia would also be aware of her internal circles more, but she wasn’t. Language and culture may seem like the most obvious layers to navigate—how people greet, what words they use, what jokes they make—but they’re only the beginning. Take Spanish, for example. Spanish from Spain differs from Latin American Spanish, and within Latin America, each country (and even each region) has its own slang, idioms, and customs. Beyond that, there’s: Society – the broader social environment: values, traditions, humor, and pop culture. Family & Friends – the immediate circle that shapes how someone communicates and solves problems. You – the personal layer: likes, dislikes, traumas, unconscious habits, and emotional triggers. Every word you say passes through all these layers before it’s understood. The more aware you are of these layers, the more successful your communication will be. If we can learn anything from this, it is to be aware of everything that comes into place when talking to a different person. Let’s learn from this and not be like Mia and Kevin; be like the teacher who was able to prevent misleading actions by being aware of all of our layers, because we are often children who throw words around without even realizing the weight of the word to the people we speak to.
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