TL;DR: I grew up speaking multiple languages and consider English my strongest, but I sometimes feel like an imposter because I lack certain vocabulary and expressions native speakers seem to know instinctively. Anyone else feel this way? How do you cope with these insecurities?
Last weekend, as we were cleaning our new apartment, my partner’s aunt asked me “do you have a pail?” to which I said “a what?” I’d never heard this word before. She explained to me that it’s another word for bucket. (Side note: Why not just use the word bucket then? Sometimes English confuses me with how many different words there are for things)
She then proceeded to go on about how shocked she is that I didn’t know the word, and the “you know how many languages but you don’t know this?” Please 😠First of all, in French we only have ONE word for bucket and how would I know English chose to add one. The whole interaction resurfaced some of my insecurities I have towards my English, primarily that I feel like an imposter when I claim it’s my first/native language yet there are some vocabulary and expressions I’ve never heard of.
For some context: I’m French & German from my parents and when I was born we spoke only in those languages. But when I was 3 we moved to the Caribbean and I did English schooling ever since. Today, I would say English is my strongest language, even “first” language, since it’s the one I feel most comfortable discussing all topics in. I’m also fluent in French and Italian after living in Italy for almost a decade and speaking mostly French at home. I love languages & also speak and understand Spanish and German but at an A2 level only for now.
Having done all my schooling in English, I’ve always been surrounded by British or other native English speakers. In my middle school/high school years I started to notice a growing insecurity about my English. I felt like I didn’t have the same command of expressions or less common vocabulary that my peers seemed to pick up naturally from their native-speaking families. This has left me feeling somewhat inadequate in my English, as though I’ll never quite measure up to the “real” native speakers around me.
Has anyone else experienced this? How do you overcome the feeling of being an imposter in your own language?
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