Why can’t I learn Spanish?

I grew up in a Latino household, but my parents only ever spoke to me in English. Occasionally I would spend time with my grandparents who only spoke Spanish. Even though I picked up a lot of Spanish and a pretty good understanding, I can’t seem to grasp the language and I feel so much shame. I can understand conversations and pretty basic things, but some stuff just confuses me. At times I will know exactly how to respond, but when it starts coming out of my mouth I sound like I have no idea what I’m saying. I’ve been trying to make an effort to learn Spanish to better communicate with my family before it’s too late; however, no matter how much I try I feel that I can’t learn. I feel so helpless in this entire situation. I know some of it stems from my fear to talk in the first place, since I was bullied by many of my bilingual peers for not being fluent. When I look past that, I just can’t seem to grasp what I’m learning. Do you guys have any tips on how to finally get over this hurdle? I feel like I’m stuck.

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